My life thus far has had few large milestones, though I myself have achieved these by hard work and perseverance they have almost always been achievable by a quick turnaround of rubbish misfortune. The misfortune being that of loss of sight, loss of life and loss of independence.
Aged 16, the cusp of 17, I lost my great aunty. A christmas table favourite, a woman without malice and eventually life. As she past, she left a cheque brandishing my name and just enough digits to buy 40-hours of driving lessons. A pass of the highest privilege, of freedom and of misfortune. Betty's misfortune was her loss of life, her loss of Christmases to come—though to me it was my automotive advantage, with a gain as great as life-long knowledge of the roads. With this the term loss is insignificant, for she will be missed but prominently remembered through the advantages held in my life.
Though this year has seen the passing of many idols, myself included very moved on January 10th when we lost all contact with Major Tom; nothing quite took me back further than the passing of my Grandfather. It's common knowledge he was quite important to me and I've certainly used this platform to express my feeling on said topic; aside from all the heartache, empty chairs and missing hugs—I don't see this as a loss.
Geoff was his name. As Geoff lost his sight, he gave me his car, so I could put my driving license to use. As he lost his independence, he supported my parents to help me exist in university, as he lost his knowledge he was lifting me up with mine; financially giving me the headspace the focus on making the most of my education. Now as his will becomes legally relevant and he lives an existence of peace and rest, he's buying the foundations for my future, my mortgage, my life.
He isn't lost and I do not feel loss. He is no longer with us, but as it stood before the doors he opens and the future he creates makes his loss irrelevant. David Bowie isn't lost because he's brought us the the audio space we live in today and Geoff isn't lost, because he lives in the walls of my home and he's the paper to which my accomplishments are printed upon.
I stand to disbelieve loss exists in the sense we believe it to, these is no loss when you make it a gain, an advantage. As I see is, the world isn't your friend or you're enemy—everything happens as a result of a decision which you did or did-not make. That said, you don't get to choose where you start, but your choices dictate where you go from there.
If this is full of spelling mistakes, I apologise but it's Christmas so grammar checking can bugger off.
0 comments:
Post a Comment