Friday, 27 November 2015

Better budgets don't make better ads

There is an advert that keep showing it's ugly face, and after months of complaining to the better half, I'm now going to complain to you.

Above is something terrible—something that I would have cut straight away. Above is the advert that I see repeated over and over on British television; it's an advert for Chanel with some strange downbeat cover of Grease.

I assume you will have seen it before, but it just bugs me so much, that I had to write about it.
Firstly, after looking for this advert on Youtube, I find it's actually a 'film' of just over 3 minutes and this is a cut down version for standard TV advertising; this means I'll be going a little easier on it and a little harder also.

This advert is straight up crap. Nobody ever knows what they are trying to sell you with perfume adverts; but this tops the list of unrelated shite. And as I said, it feels really disjointed because it's been made from cuts of a longer sequence – but my god – if it's good enough to be a 'film' then you could have at least tried to make it good or spell out any kind of narrative.

So we start with a woman in the water, trying to surf; with more arse shots than all the coverage of every surfing competition since time began. She's flipping around in the waves, trying to get her balance in which to surf back to her beach side apartment; but there is a problem!

From her mad rocking wave, see can clearly see some suited man looking overly depressive at what I assume is her house, leaving her some kind of note. Now this would be really difficult to see if you were surfing because it takes a lot of concentration to hold on the wave with your balance—luckily for her, she's very clearly not surfing and her gormless expression is easily seen past the terrible green screening and dry wet suit.

It's really very obvious this woman has never surfed, but why on earth is the wet suit constantly open? I get sex sells, but that dumb ass face she's pulling completely cancels that out.

Now the man is leaving; and she's running up her beach towards a large fence blockade. But just as not knowing how to surf wasn't a problem for this 'surfer chick mom', passing large fences as if they didn't exist also applies to this strange person.

So after she's surfed the biggest wave of the season, been dumped and levitated over a fence; her next miracle is to suddenly be wearing a full new outfit just as her daughter comes in to give her a hug, right next to the perfectly written dismissal letter.

Now she's modelling or something, by some large number 5. I assume this is actually here job because it's the only time she's looking even mildly convincing as a character; and the little note that it's telling me Gisele Bundchen is featured in the ad makes me think I'm supposed to know this model or face from somewhere.

Now she just randomly looks at the letter in different circumstances, drives over a bridge in what looks like a vintage Austin Healey and confront the same man who left her on the balcony of some swing club. Like star crossed lovers, they of course kiss and make up, with his bow-tie looking horrendously crap. All this happens, the advert ends and I'm sat there thinking—what the hell just happened? Who the hell is the target audience? Why the hell are there the same large scale, brightly lit number 5s in alley, just as there were in the photography studio.

All I can conclude is; the advert tells you that if you get left by your man, make sure to dwell on it and chase him to his beck and call. Because how else would you and your daughter survive in your Malibu beachfront property if you don't have crappy bow-tie / light blue suit man.

Chanel, you have a massive budget; get yo' shit together.

Thursday, 19 November 2015

Motown and Soul: no Adam, but an Eve

We are on the eve; the eve of the year and the eve of a re-design—but it's not Christmas Eve! You festival bastard!

As you may be aware, I do posters for the Motown evening at The Brickyard. You may also be aware that I do an absolute tonne of posters for those guys, and you may also be aware that I've been doing the Motown posters for what seems forever; so now that we're on the eve of 2015, we are also on the eve of a redesign.

Seeing as I'll be in my final year of university, and after I finish I'll hand the posters onto another designer—I'll be going balls to the wall with the next update, mixing up a little bit of everything, making it feel a little shinier in my poor old withered eyes.

But for this one as a pre-re-design, it's a mixture of influence and the burning desire to have someone upside down on a poster. 
For quite a while now, I've be dying to have some form of image upside down on a poster, and this time, it actually worked! I can now strike 'upside down soul stars' off my poster bucket list, and that does make me a happy little 21 year old.

Returning the note of influence, You may be able to see my Hatch Show Print references, with the overlapping slab serif fonts and rigid structure. All in all, I've slammed together two burning poster desires I've had for a while and somehow they've actually worked! Fantastic!

Tuesday, 17 November 2015


Anything I write doesn't matter. Try not to be sick.

Saturday, 14 November 2015

Building business, building clients

 It's not Will's son, but it is Wilson, building a building.

Mid-Summer I got contacted by my friend named after shaded meat; Graeme (Gray-ham). He runs a business with his father, making, building and breaking things and he wanted to look a little cooler than just a black van and a chin-strap beard.

The brief was to make an amalgamation between street wear, a construction business and the heritage him and his father have—so this was a strange brief for me.  But if it's strange, it's exciting; and damn right you know I enjoyed it.

I've never really created a neat, smart, modern logo before so it was an odd turn for me; but after a tonne of tests, it came out really rather well. I may also add that I will be screen printing these t-shirts, which will be really rather fantastic (might just nick one for myself).

Tuesday, 10 November 2015

Killing poor William once again

I've killed Bill again, and I'm wondering whether I truly killed him the last time.

Now, I know this was in the past but I'll be honest; I totally forgot that I had done it.
I made this poster as a follow up for a friend, and although it was a quick job it was really rather fun to do. I have secret passion to cut up letters, so of course I just cut everything, threw yellow around and scribbled text here there and everywhere.

Thursday, 5 November 2015

Vin's Cliché Monthly Mix—October '15

Yeah I made a mixtape, and yeah I doubt it makes any sense, but have a listen!

Recently I realised that whilst I work, I have a craving need to have music in the background. It's like a little cheering momento to keep me going through the day. This music tends to dip and dive all over the place depending on what gigs I'd been to that month, the mood I'm in and the ad's that spotify is ramming down my throat.

So to make some kind of output for this, I wanted to make a little mix for two reasons. One for people who might want to just have a casual listen to the music spinning round my head for the last month.
Two; I hope to return to these at some point in my life and be like "Wow, I haven't heard this in ages"

Now; I'm going to make something very clear. I have the best taste in music above any person in the world; literally the best, most correct taste in music that is humanly possible. I even collect vinyl records, so of course me opinion on music is greater than any other person that doesn't have sleeves full of plastic discs. So with all my credentials taken into account, you may or may not like this; but if you don't, then you are clearly wrong because I even like freeform jazz. Yes, jazz. #suchculture

Anyway, now the rules are set, and you are aware I am the overlord of music taste – just like every A-level music student ever – you should get yourself some work to do, and stick my little mix on in the background.

The digital mixes I'm making will be a monthly thing and are starting with the songs I couldn't shift from my head throughout October, and will likely resurface each month due to the fact I consume far too much music on a monthly basis.

Copyright © Vincent Walden Sucks