Friday, 27 November 2015

Better budgets don't make better ads

There is an advert that keep showing it's ugly face, and after months of complaining to the better half, I'm now going to complain to you.

Above is something terrible—something that I would have cut straight away. Above is the advert that I see repeated over and over on British television; it's an advert for Chanel with some strange downbeat cover of Grease.

I assume you will have seen it before, but it just bugs me so much, that I had to write about it.
Firstly, after looking for this advert on Youtube, I find it's actually a 'film' of just over 3 minutes and this is a cut down version for standard TV advertising; this means I'll be going a little easier on it and a little harder also.

This advert is straight up crap. Nobody ever knows what they are trying to sell you with perfume adverts; but this tops the list of unrelated shite. And as I said, it feels really disjointed because it's been made from cuts of a longer sequence – but my god – if it's good enough to be a 'film' then you could have at least tried to make it good or spell out any kind of narrative.

So we start with a woman in the water, trying to surf; with more arse shots than all the coverage of every surfing competition since time began. She's flipping around in the waves, trying to get her balance in which to surf back to her beach side apartment; but there is a problem!

From her mad rocking wave, see can clearly see some suited man looking overly depressive at what I assume is her house, leaving her some kind of note. Now this would be really difficult to see if you were surfing because it takes a lot of concentration to hold on the wave with your balance—luckily for her, she's very clearly not surfing and her gormless expression is easily seen past the terrible green screening and dry wet suit.

It's really very obvious this woman has never surfed, but why on earth is the wet suit constantly open? I get sex sells, but that dumb ass face she's pulling completely cancels that out.

Now the man is leaving; and she's running up her beach towards a large fence blockade. But just as not knowing how to surf wasn't a problem for this 'surfer chick mom', passing large fences as if they didn't exist also applies to this strange person.

So after she's surfed the biggest wave of the season, been dumped and levitated over a fence; her next miracle is to suddenly be wearing a full new outfit just as her daughter comes in to give her a hug, right next to the perfectly written dismissal letter.

Now she's modelling or something, by some large number 5. I assume this is actually here job because it's the only time she's looking even mildly convincing as a character; and the little note that it's telling me Gisele Bundchen is featured in the ad makes me think I'm supposed to know this model or face from somewhere.

Now she just randomly looks at the letter in different circumstances, drives over a bridge in what looks like a vintage Austin Healey and confront the same man who left her on the balcony of some swing club. Like star crossed lovers, they of course kiss and make up, with his bow-tie looking horrendously crap. All this happens, the advert ends and I'm sat there thinking—what the hell just happened? Who the hell is the target audience? Why the hell are there the same large scale, brightly lit number 5s in alley, just as there were in the photography studio.

All I can conclude is; the advert tells you that if you get left by your man, make sure to dwell on it and chase him to his beck and call. Because how else would you and your daughter survive in your Malibu beachfront property if you don't have crappy bow-tie / light blue suit man.

Chanel, you have a massive budget; get yo' shit together.


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